Let the Current Do It's Thing

If you are anything like me, you love-absolutely love- being in control. You adore the act of planning your schedule, ranking higher than anyone else on anything, and having some power most do not have. You even crave so much control that you might even limit the amount of food you intake to stay trim! What I am about to tell you is extremely important: STOP. Yes, stop. Control yourself to allow some instability, consequences, and risks. Sound a little better? See, the thing most control freaks like to do is block anything that is, will become, or has potential to be a threat on their ability to do, to act, or to initiate. What we fail to realize-when that spontaneous current sweeps us in its magnificence- is that new, organic, simple, original things are produced.  This is not in the slightest limited to minimized dreams, destinations, or knowledge gained. No, when we let our minds wander free without mediocre obligations and constant pressure put on us by ourselves, we are then privileged to see that we, and others, were far underestimated. Imaginations wild and spontaneity unleashed, we're taken aback when we see ourselves enjoying life more. We'll start to slowly see that stress is no longer prevalent; we are no longer held captive by our fears of  not having control. In the long run, a relaxed mind is a mind that can think. A mind that can think is open to new possibilities. New possibilities leads to an introduced goal or dream. Dreams, embedded with sincere action, lead to a fulfillment of life at its finest.

No matter the fear you may be experiencing from letting yourself be less in control, I am certain you will discover amazing things you never thought you could before. By all means, control that is checked by moderation is necessary. Just remember to stay optimistic, open, and comfortable with a little change. That current that is pulling you from your niche of control and security may very well be taking you to an island with a spectacular view of the horizon. This same current could also be forcing you to make changes in your life that will positively influence you and the people around you. Whatever the currents surrounding you right now, allow you to banish your innate sense to control. For right now, let it be. Let the current take you. Let your mind believe in peace. Let your heart be confident in your abilities, not your narrow mindedness. Remember to breath. Soak up the special moments. Allow your heart to sing and be tickled by life's simple pleasures. Let go, and let it be. Just as nature's currents eventually fade, yours will too. For right now...live. 

Believe me, another current will be on it's way. For right now, let go...you're on your way.

Be Something Someone Needs to Get By

I never realized how often I find myself changing my behavior, body language, and tone of voice around others. With preppy people, I roll my eyes more, talk as if every single sentence that comes out of my mouth is a question, and complain more. With older people, I take on a more conservative view of life as if I, myself, have 4 children and am technologically challenged. With family, I yield to their every plea and demand, almost opinion-less because everything they say and do must be right. With my theater crew, well...I am all over the spectrum. I guess my earth sign truly is water, the substance that bends and mold and forms to any force.

I have learned over the course of my short life that people need comfort. Comfort is assurance in the self and in others; a knowledge that all will remain fine and safe. No matter what age we are-from early teens, to young adulthood, to old age- we need others to relate to us. A simple conversation that accommodates those you are talking to goes a long way. This could mean changing your tone of voice to match theirs, discussing similar topics that they might find interesting, or even expressing the same kind of concerns they have. Never is it okay to change who you are completely; always stay true to who you are. But it is with simple accommodation to their needs that keeps relationships strong. If a young teen working in a professional environment ranted to her employer about her boyfriend troubles, the employer will probably not seek comfort and assurance in her young employee, compared to a young employee who offers help and/or advice on what the business needs. The employer, in turn, will feel confident in her young employee and may then consider her trustworthy enough to handle tasks in the future. It is all about trust, common sense, and accommodation to the other person. In all relationships where two people are willing to work together. Even when it comes to that preppy valley girl you meet in class, a little "Oh my God"s may not be such a bad thing. 

Adapt. Adapt for their comfort and in the long run, you'll be something someone needs to get by. Who knows? Maybe they never knew someone could be similar to them. And... Voila! You have created a foundation for a comfortable friendship, work relationship, or partnership.

Giving them the other cheek.

It's hard trying to be a good person. Grueling. Painful. You don't have a manual to abide by, or instructions on how to establish peace between another person that hates your guts. Even if you did, they'd probably still hate you despite your efforts.You have to go through the motions on your own, take in the wounds and experience every cut to the heart. Criticisms, judgments, observations, guilt trips-Control. Funny how these people have the greatest control over your lives. No amount of kindness of a reaching of agreements can fix what happened. Doesn't that make you feel like you should go off and kill yourself, hoping the world would end up being better off without you?

As much as my immediate answer to this is a quick "Yes!", that isn't at all why life was given to us. You may not even know yourself. And we may die without knowing why it was important for us to stay in the first place, not having earned awards, titles, wealth, or mundane accomplishments. But your existence, no matter how painful it may be, is important.

The first time I re-met her was approximately 2 months ago in the media center during 6th period. A beautiful, flowery young lady who seemed awfully familiar to me sat behind me. It wasn't until it became obvious I was staring that it hit me. She-Nora-was my 3rd grade buddy when I was in the 6th grade. Having a pretty crappy day, I didn't want to intrude or waste energy to say hello. But I decided that I should. So I did. I told Nora I remembered her from elementary school and she greeted me back with a smile. I hugged her and told her what a beautiful girl she'd grown up to be. Simple, short, sweet.

Fast-forward 2 months. I look at my inbox and I read a message from a Nora Leavey. It read something like "Savannah, I am so thankful you came into my life when you did. I was having a bad day when you re-met me again and just your simple hello made me realize how important it is to be kind to everyone."
I finished reading her message the same time my heart filled with joy. A simple hello. Made her feel...priceless and wanted.

If I had to leave this earth with something, it had to be that. Perhaps Nora, like I, felt unwanted and useless at times. Perhaps she wanted an escape but my gesture of kindness sparkled happiness and motivation in her once again. Luckily, the faith I have in God -and hers too-keeps us from following through with action and abiding in prayer when we feel this way.

The message I received? No matter the challenges we face with others, whether that be a once close friend or parent, you are important. You matter. Your mistakes to not define you, your kindness and humility do. Be kind and speak soft words, even to the ones that weigh you down. They themselves may be fighting an internal battle that initiated from common beginnings of feeling just like yourself. I know it hurts. Trust me. Rejection and failure is not fun. But emerge as a victor when you treat others with respect, dignity, and grace...because no matter who they are, they're worth it.

We all are.

Just...do.

More than ever, I have had an itch to do something for me. Not in the selfish sort of sense of wanting to gain something profitable. No, it's something so much more. I want to find an inner peace within me, knowledge of who I am and for what purpose. I have long been inspired by my life and with promises and verses and books; I've past my expiration date. It is time for me to discover unselfishly just what and who and for why that...I am. By helping people in 3rd world countries, feeding the homeless, praying with people who have lost all hope, I can then find what I am good at and not so good at, unselfishly. At the same time, it's in workmanship we find the true meaning of life.
Life. That word brings to mind a set list of chores, outlines with dates and times, and especially sticky notes of what I need to get done. I have reached the realization that I just...can't. I can't live to my full potential until I make a promise with myself to just...do. To just commit wholeheartedly to a cause and go. Life isn't a checklist you can scratch away things from. It's a call to action via inspiration.
Despite not knowing what to expect, that's where the adventure sets it. To find you is finding you in all sorts of situations, being helpful in making a difference in the lives of others, and leaving something much more than a reputation and income behind.

I am inspired. I am inspired to actually start doing and ceasing the visions. I am an inspired dreamer, but I want to be a doer. I am inspired to make a difference in my community, heck, in my world one day at a time. I want to find God in the work I'll have serving others.

I think this empty life of checklists, schedules, and packed events has finally taught me something: living is not planned. Living is waking up with a smile on your face knowing today will be another opportunity to make an impact, live your dream, and do what you love.

Trial by error. Lesson learned.

Flying Away from the Nest: Time to Break Free

When I was a little girl, I remember being best friends with my parents. Just us three. Always. Every weekend, we would all entertain ourselves at the flea market on Saturdays, see movies, and do a chant I created called "Family" where my mother, my father, and I would bring our arms in and on the count of 3, we'd shout "Family!" after our huddle. The good times. Needless to say, that was so long ago. I have experienced the growing pains of my life, of course aided with their support. But I recently pondered the idea that I am no longer that little girl they once saw, innocent eyes watching their every move to mock. I am my own person, my own being with my own individual opinions and thoughts and ideas on situations. The love I have for them is not diminished because of this realization. In fact, I could even say it is stronger, despite the fact that we are very different now.  Life has taught me its own things. They are not influenced by them any longer.  Sure, the respect for them is eternal but I have decided how important it is to break free from the nest that I came from. Doing so will make me a woman that follows her own passions, interests, dreams, and aspirations.

Looking back, I think- I know- my parents would always be the greatest heroes in my life. They did, after all, make me. Most importantly, they laid a foundation for me to build myself further. I am my own wonderful, extraordinary, and unique human being. I have learned in one single year how my mistakes have defined me, regardless of the constant nagging I received from my parents. I don't regret one mistake. Because although we're a mold of our parents, we have the freedom to be who we were made to be.

I have replayed my father's voice message twice now. "Savannah, you've disappointed me." Three stinging words. I had the courage to erase it. I had the courage to realize that no, I did not disappoint him. In actuality, he disappointed himself. I cannot be the perfect example of what he wants me to be. I cannot live up to stringent expectations. I am me. Savannah, one of a kind. A woman after God's own heart. I am sorry I am not what my father wants me to be. Actually, I take that back. I'm not sorry. Sooner or later, you've got to spread those wings you've been preparing all your life for that special flight into adulthood.

It is finally my time to fly away now.

Adulthood: A Transformation

As I sit here in my room surrounded with boxes and bins, I can't help but think about all the memories I'll leave behind. The home that is now sold was the home where I grew up and found myself. It was the home I came to in despair when I lost a friend or bombed a test or when I felt inadequate. It was the home that greeted me with loving, welcoming arms informing me that everything will be all right in due time. It was the home I overcame puberty in! It is the same home that was present during the hard times in my life. Those times where I'd scream into a pillow to overcome the pain I felt when I refused to eat. The walls heard. Those times where I danced to the latest contemporary music to fit in. The mirrors saw (and probably laughed). My home also saw me cry during the times where I thought my parents were going to divorce. It sympathized. It listened. It was there for me. It's funny to give a home a soul but in some weird, personified way, my home did have a soul. And it will still have one when another family moves in and make it their own.

I know packing will be difficult. Knowing me, I'll probably cry peeling away the layers that made our home so special and...completely ours. I'll never forget how it affected me, nor ever erase the scenes that were played inside. That's the hard part, isn't it? Having to move on while keeping the memories alive only in your head. I worry those memories might one day become weary and vague, that I'll forget how much maturing I achieved in one home. Childhood to adolescence to adulthood...in one setting. How precious is that? And I'll try not to ever forget for as long as I live.

They say that home is where the heart is. I'm fighting with myself on that one. How can home be where the heart is, even if you left that home that was so dear to you? How is that so when all the memories were made  there? The truth of the matter is that although that home may have served to be a location where you lived out the scenes of your life, it was a shell, a temporary confinement where memories could be relived and long remembered. Or I'm trying to make myself believe that, that is. One thing is for certain. Every home I've lived in has been difficult to leave because we indeed did make it our home, our haven of sorts. A place where I could walk in my underwear and not care; a place where I would rehearse my characters' lines aloud, living in a fantasy world; a place where love was possible, where acceptance thrived; a place where I knew certainty devoured doubt to the brim; where imagination brought me to new ideas; where inspiration motivated me to action; a place where I could be me. My home.

I guess this one is the hardest to let go, for many reasons. I'll never forget how much of a woman I became in 9 long yet short years. Looking back 10, 15, 30 years from now, I know those memories will still be crisp in my mind. That's what is assuring me. I can do this.

I saw our new place today. Examining the empty walls and imagining our furniture inside, I couldn't quite yet see home. And I guess that will come. New memories will have to be created, new stages will emerge, new hardships will have to be faced along will successes. It's not there yet nor will it be for a while. But it will come. "Home is where the heart is"- yes. Home was. And it will be. In time.

For now, #19 will forever be in my heart and memory and soul. Home is where the heart is. Certainly.

Listen to Lincoln.

I'm sure we'd love to eradicate all the flaws we possess. Whether it be our relationships, ability to succeed, weight management, or our efforts to leave a legacy, sometimes we're overwhelmed with self-inflicted barriers that prevent us from accepting ourselves. Well, stop. You are beautifully made and flawed to perfection. What? Yes. You heard me. You were perfected flawed to be a perfect you. Out of the dust of the earth, every flaw makes us the individual we are. Embrace you. Celebrate you. Love you. You came with a price. Every imperfection adds to the uniqueness only you possess. Exhale failure. Breath in the incredible person you, and only you, are.