Children Have It Together

And they are so much better, too. I remember when I was a little girl, I could stare out into this humongous world and smile, thinking everyone was good, pure, loving. I could instantly become friends after two minutes of play with another random child, no matter their race. I had the courage to ask anyone- child or adult- if they believed in God and told them He loved them. I could dream every dream imaginable and still believe with such zeal that they could happen, like flying in space to see our planet Earth. I seldom feared but saw such bold potential in everything. As soon as I was introduced to the world firsthand,  a change took place. The faces that could make me smile have now made me expressionless, confused at this world. Why must be have motives, conceits, desires, a human nature that corrupts? Why can't we be...good? We are irrevocably flawed and I don't think I will ever get used to that. You know, sometimes I wish I could be four years old again and look out at this world as my inspiration. A part of me knows the same person is in there, but fearful that she can never take back all she has seen, done, and said.

A child is but an innocent, pure, gentle spirit. Good. And I am afraid I have lost hold of who I once was. 

You Go Through Hell Before Earning Heaven

These past couple of months have literally been hell on earth for me and my family We've lost a very important family member, our chief of family members and our greatest role model. Papi was someone who spoke little words but the love was felt just simply from his presence. Exactly six months ago today, God took him home and his battle with thoracic cancer ceased. While we were obviously brokenhearted from the major change within our family, we accepted God's terms and knew Papi was among the angels.

Six months later, here we are. These six months have been hopeless, stressful, real, and a time of growing up for me. I do not attribute Papi's death to this period of hell. I think his death marked a sort of season for maturing, for seeing the reality of life and the people in it. For a while, I thought I could handle the sudden period of sadness that overcame me. I thought it was temporary. After some time, I realized that so many bad things after another began to hit me. I received not one but two parking tickets, my grades began to plummet even though all I did was work hard, my relationship with someone so close to me was deteriorating, I missed my family, I was alone, I was always broke though all I did was work, etc.  I was the mouse and life was the wheel. I kept running while going nowhere. It was miserable.

They say that when you hit the bottom, it's when you start to look up. I began to sink into a depression not characteristic of anything I was before. And all of a sudden. Though I pushed myself to think positive and do well, I was hit with another awful test score or my car broke down or something stupid happened to make me lose my hope. So while my relationship, grades, health, finances, and time management suffered, I began to think what
was important in my life. I put things into perspective. I realized that school was not all that mattered to me anymore. No, I thought. It was so much more. It was enjoying the magic that is life, precious moments, family and friends, and the little things. I decided to transfer to a private school that suited my personal needs, take my own loans so my parents are not burdened, and be closer to the one I love.

While I feel I am barely coming out of this era of darkness, I feel in my heart I am beginning the era of light and renewal. I see beginnings of growth in my personal, academic, financial, and relational areas of my life. The season of harvest has emerged.

Like fires that destroy, our temporary trials kill our energy, spirits, and current plans. What we do not know is that that fire is setting up the foundation for a new path, new way of thinking, new perspectives, and renewed maturity about life. I cannot say I am thankful for everything that has happened in these six months, they really have changed me. I am a young woman now. I am learning the hard way and for that, I am grateful.

Before we are on our path to betterment, we first receive opposition and resistance. These forces prep us to make us the stronger, capable beings we are.

I feel a new season emerging; seeds have been planted now since the fire began and the rain poured down. I am ready to see what is in store these next six months. I'm starting to see Heaven in view.

For Those Who Crave Transformation...

So I did it again. Another day of fast food right after my work shift. Time after time I've told myself never to eat so late, never to eat unhealthy food, never to go against my desire for McDonald's fries. Another disappointment. After truly thinking about my stagnant position in life right now, it looks like it's time for a little self-transformation...physically, psychologically, and emotionally.

 The pettiest, incipient habits that slowly solidify into everyday life is another reason to scream inside and hate yourself. What's worse, I know I have the potential for greatness...but willingly going against what I know is right is the problem. So what is it that needs to be done then? How are these habits deteriorating my self-worth, confidence, behavior, and ability to be the best I could be? Just as they creep slowly into my life, I know it will take that much slower to kill those bad habits. It's not just the eating. Deep within me is a person who needs to break out, to radiant what is truly within. I am afraid I am not the only person who feels this way. I guess we're all scared to fail, but not trying is much worse.

Today, I've decided (at approximately 11:17pm) to transform this person into what she is worth. I want to focus on the basics first. I've decided that I want, more than anything, is to have more confidence. What is confidence without caring about what others think about me? And that's just it. I won't. Second, I need to seriously start eating healthier, even if that means I have to cook everyday from this point forward. No more McDonald's for you, Savannah. Start busting up that Magic Bullet and pop in that daily vitamin, then load that blender with tons of veggies and fruits. Load em' up! Third, I will go to the gym at least 4 times a week, every other day. You want those abs and tone arms? Savannah, fetch them with some sweat and hard work. No pain no game. Fourth, I will not be afraid to change up my style a bit. I'll dawn on that vibrant rogue lipstick and silly hat or learn to actually french braid hair. Maybe I'll even get highlights, a piercing...who knows? I just need change. And lastly, I will keep my eyes on my dream. Everyone has that one dream we just can't let go of. Maybe, instead of daydreaming, we should actually start working towards touching that dream. Duh? The hardest part of any journey is that one step. Take that risk and refine what you've thought you couldn't. Savannah, you know what dream you want, even if you don't know right now. You will. Which dream matters to you more? Why? Can it be possible to do both? Get the best of both worlds then...balance.

So there it is... my transformation list. I hope my ranting has served some purpose by getting you to think about what you really want out of life. I thought today about how we only actually have about 80-100 years on this earth if we're lucky. That's it. What can we do to enjoy life while serving a purpose while leaving a legacy? That's up to you to decide. What's beautiful is that we all have a unique calling, varying goals.
Write them all down in a transformation journal and tally the good and bad days. We all slip but just get back up and note your progress. Day #1 begins tomorrow for me. I'm on my own path to transformation...

Will you leave your comfortable cocoon and finally spread those amazing wings of yours? Join me!

Let the Current Do It's Thing

If you are anything like me, you love-absolutely love- being in control. You adore the act of planning your schedule, ranking higher than anyone else on anything, and having some power most do not have. You even crave so much control that you might even limit the amount of food you intake to stay trim! What I am about to tell you is extremely important: STOP. Yes, stop. Control yourself to allow some instability, consequences, and risks. Sound a little better? See, the thing most control freaks like to do is block anything that is, will become, or has potential to be a threat on their ability to do, to act, or to initiate. What we fail to realize-when that spontaneous current sweeps us in its magnificence- is that new, organic, simple, original things are produced.  This is not in the slightest limited to minimized dreams, destinations, or knowledge gained. No, when we let our minds wander free without mediocre obligations and constant pressure put on us by ourselves, we are then privileged to see that we, and others, were far underestimated. Imaginations wild and spontaneity unleashed, we're taken aback when we see ourselves enjoying life more. We'll start to slowly see that stress is no longer prevalent; we are no longer held captive by our fears of  not having control. In the long run, a relaxed mind is a mind that can think. A mind that can think is open to new possibilities. New possibilities leads to an introduced goal or dream. Dreams, embedded with sincere action, lead to a fulfillment of life at its finest.

No matter the fear you may be experiencing from letting yourself be less in control, I am certain you will discover amazing things you never thought you could before. By all means, control that is checked by moderation is necessary. Just remember to stay optimistic, open, and comfortable with a little change. That current that is pulling you from your niche of control and security may very well be taking you to an island with a spectacular view of the horizon. This same current could also be forcing you to make changes in your life that will positively influence you and the people around you. Whatever the currents surrounding you right now, allow you to banish your innate sense to control. For right now, let it be. Let the current take you. Let your mind believe in peace. Let your heart be confident in your abilities, not your narrow mindedness. Remember to breath. Soak up the special moments. Allow your heart to sing and be tickled by life's simple pleasures. Let go, and let it be. Just as nature's currents eventually fade, yours will too. For right now...live. 

Believe me, another current will be on it's way. For right now, let go...you're on your way.

Be Something Someone Needs to Get By

I never realized how often I find myself changing my behavior, body language, and tone of voice around others. With preppy people, I roll my eyes more, talk as if every single sentence that comes out of my mouth is a question, and complain more. With older people, I take on a more conservative view of life as if I, myself, have 4 children and am technologically challenged. With family, I yield to their every plea and demand, almost opinion-less because everything they say and do must be right. With my theater crew, well...I am all over the spectrum. I guess my earth sign truly is water, the substance that bends and mold and forms to any force.

I have learned over the course of my short life that people need comfort. Comfort is assurance in the self and in others; a knowledge that all will remain fine and safe. No matter what age we are-from early teens, to young adulthood, to old age- we need others to relate to us. A simple conversation that accommodates those you are talking to goes a long way. This could mean changing your tone of voice to match theirs, discussing similar topics that they might find interesting, or even expressing the same kind of concerns they have. Never is it okay to change who you are completely; always stay true to who you are. But it is with simple accommodation to their needs that keeps relationships strong. If a young teen working in a professional environment ranted to her employer about her boyfriend troubles, the employer will probably not seek comfort and assurance in her young employee, compared to a young employee who offers help and/or advice on what the business needs. The employer, in turn, will feel confident in her young employee and may then consider her trustworthy enough to handle tasks in the future. It is all about trust, common sense, and accommodation to the other person. In all relationships where two people are willing to work together. Even when it comes to that preppy valley girl you meet in class, a little "Oh my God"s may not be such a bad thing. 

Adapt. Adapt for their comfort and in the long run, you'll be something someone needs to get by. Who knows? Maybe they never knew someone could be similar to them. And... Voila! You have created a foundation for a comfortable friendship, work relationship, or partnership.

Giving them the other cheek.

It's hard trying to be a good person. Grueling. Painful. You don't have a manual to abide by, or instructions on how to establish peace between another person that hates your guts. Even if you did, they'd probably still hate you despite your efforts.You have to go through the motions on your own, take in the wounds and experience every cut to the heart. Criticisms, judgments, observations, guilt trips-Control. Funny how these people have the greatest control over your lives. No amount of kindness of a reaching of agreements can fix what happened. Doesn't that make you feel like you should go off and kill yourself, hoping the world would end up being better off without you?

As much as my immediate answer to this is a quick "Yes!", that isn't at all why life was given to us. You may not even know yourself. And we may die without knowing why it was important for us to stay in the first place, not having earned awards, titles, wealth, or mundane accomplishments. But your existence, no matter how painful it may be, is important.

The first time I re-met her was approximately 2 months ago in the media center during 6th period. A beautiful, flowery young lady who seemed awfully familiar to me sat behind me. It wasn't until it became obvious I was staring that it hit me. She-Nora-was my 3rd grade buddy when I was in the 6th grade. Having a pretty crappy day, I didn't want to intrude or waste energy to say hello. But I decided that I should. So I did. I told Nora I remembered her from elementary school and she greeted me back with a smile. I hugged her and told her what a beautiful girl she'd grown up to be. Simple, short, sweet.

Fast-forward 2 months. I look at my inbox and I read a message from a Nora Leavey. It read something like "Savannah, I am so thankful you came into my life when you did. I was having a bad day when you re-met me again and just your simple hello made me realize how important it is to be kind to everyone."
I finished reading her message the same time my heart filled with joy. A simple hello. Made her feel...priceless and wanted.

If I had to leave this earth with something, it had to be that. Perhaps Nora, like I, felt unwanted and useless at times. Perhaps she wanted an escape but my gesture of kindness sparkled happiness and motivation in her once again. Luckily, the faith I have in God -and hers too-keeps us from following through with action and abiding in prayer when we feel this way.

The message I received? No matter the challenges we face with others, whether that be a once close friend or parent, you are important. You matter. Your mistakes to not define you, your kindness and humility do. Be kind and speak soft words, even to the ones that weigh you down. They themselves may be fighting an internal battle that initiated from common beginnings of feeling just like yourself. I know it hurts. Trust me. Rejection and failure is not fun. But emerge as a victor when you treat others with respect, dignity, and grace...because no matter who they are, they're worth it.

We all are.

Just...do.

More than ever, I have had an itch to do something for me. Not in the selfish sort of sense of wanting to gain something profitable. No, it's something so much more. I want to find an inner peace within me, knowledge of who I am and for what purpose. I have long been inspired by my life and with promises and verses and books; I've past my expiration date. It is time for me to discover unselfishly just what and who and for why that...I am. By helping people in 3rd world countries, feeding the homeless, praying with people who have lost all hope, I can then find what I am good at and not so good at, unselfishly. At the same time, it's in workmanship we find the true meaning of life.
Life. That word brings to mind a set list of chores, outlines with dates and times, and especially sticky notes of what I need to get done. I have reached the realization that I just...can't. I can't live to my full potential until I make a promise with myself to just...do. To just commit wholeheartedly to a cause and go. Life isn't a checklist you can scratch away things from. It's a call to action via inspiration.
Despite not knowing what to expect, that's where the adventure sets it. To find you is finding you in all sorts of situations, being helpful in making a difference in the lives of others, and leaving something much more than a reputation and income behind.

I am inspired. I am inspired to actually start doing and ceasing the visions. I am an inspired dreamer, but I want to be a doer. I am inspired to make a difference in my community, heck, in my world one day at a time. I want to find God in the work I'll have serving others.

I think this empty life of checklists, schedules, and packed events has finally taught me something: living is not planned. Living is waking up with a smile on your face knowing today will be another opportunity to make an impact, live your dream, and do what you love.

Trial by error. Lesson learned.