You Go Through Hell Before Earning Heaven

These past couple of months have literally been hell on earth for me and my family We've lost a very important family member, our chief of family members and our greatest role model. Papi was someone who spoke little words but the love was felt just simply from his presence. Exactly six months ago today, God took him home and his battle with thoracic cancer ceased. While we were obviously brokenhearted from the major change within our family, we accepted God's terms and knew Papi was among the angels.

Six months later, here we are. These six months have been hopeless, stressful, real, and a time of growing up for me. I do not attribute Papi's death to this period of hell. I think his death marked a sort of season for maturing, for seeing the reality of life and the people in it. For a while, I thought I could handle the sudden period of sadness that overcame me. I thought it was temporary. After some time, I realized that so many bad things after another began to hit me. I received not one but two parking tickets, my grades began to plummet even though all I did was work hard, my relationship with someone so close to me was deteriorating, I missed my family, I was alone, I was always broke though all I did was work, etc.  I was the mouse and life was the wheel. I kept running while going nowhere. It was miserable.

They say that when you hit the bottom, it's when you start to look up. I began to sink into a depression not characteristic of anything I was before. And all of a sudden. Though I pushed myself to think positive and do well, I was hit with another awful test score or my car broke down or something stupid happened to make me lose my hope. So while my relationship, grades, health, finances, and time management suffered, I began to think what
was important in my life. I put things into perspective. I realized that school was not all that mattered to me anymore. No, I thought. It was so much more. It was enjoying the magic that is life, precious moments, family and friends, and the little things. I decided to transfer to a private school that suited my personal needs, take my own loans so my parents are not burdened, and be closer to the one I love.

While I feel I am barely coming out of this era of darkness, I feel in my heart I am beginning the era of light and renewal. I see beginnings of growth in my personal, academic, financial, and relational areas of my life. The season of harvest has emerged.

Like fires that destroy, our temporary trials kill our energy, spirits, and current plans. What we do not know is that that fire is setting up the foundation for a new path, new way of thinking, new perspectives, and renewed maturity about life. I cannot say I am thankful for everything that has happened in these six months, they really have changed me. I am a young woman now. I am learning the hard way and for that, I am grateful.

Before we are on our path to betterment, we first receive opposition and resistance. These forces prep us to make us the stronger, capable beings we are.

I feel a new season emerging; seeds have been planted now since the fire began and the rain poured down. I am ready to see what is in store these next six months. I'm starting to see Heaven in view.